Tag: ptsd
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College Reunion
My college reunion was this past weekend. I didn’t go. I did attend my wife’s last year. But there’s so much I can’t seem to get over with my class. There’s people I can’t stand and people that I’m sure can’t stand me. I was so different back then, so unhealed. I was with the…
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Stop holding it all in
(Mental note to self-it does not help you to hold in your emotions. You know this. You have learned this lesson repeatedly over the last three or so years. Just stop already!) I woke up yesterday and right away I knew I wasn’t feeling like myself. Something was off. I was cranky but for no…
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May 30, 2007
Sangin, Helmand province, near the Kajaki Dam…one Chinook helicopter is shot down, supposedly by multiple rocket-propelled grenades (RPGs). I was there, 30K+ feet above it all. We moved to assist the recovery operations. The helicopter had been on fire when it crashed so there were definitely no survivors. Then there was an ambush on the…
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Bad Blogger!
I have felt myself fading from blogging the past few days. I’m not even sure how long it’s been. One day? Two days? After my January break from blogging, I wanted to be consistent. I love stats and metrics, so I love when I see that I’m on some super long streak. But at the…
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the Help abandons me
today I had a therapy appointment. Once upon a time, when I first retired from the military, I decided quickly that I needed to find a therapist. I checked my new insurance plan to see who was covered around here and chose a place that sounded good. I was randomly paired up with someone. That…
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Manifestation of Stress
Things here are still stressful. People are still who they’ve always been. And I am just trying to hold it all together. But my body is showing me that it remembers the past traumas and pain. It remembers what it’s like to spend all of its energy on just staying alive. Suddenly my appetite changes…
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I don’t know anything anymore
Everything feels a little hurty right now. From all this stuff in the media, to hurting friends, to this squatter in our house. It all feels like so much sometimes. I don’t understand why everything has to feel so hard sometimes. Or why people can’t act normal. And mostly I just want to know how…
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Surviving
This situation is hard. But I am doing ok. I am frustrated but not freaking out. My body remembers the physical fear I used to feel. Sudden movements find me on edge often. I am annoyed, but not revealing anything about how I feel. Parents #2 texted my wife and I last night, thanking us…
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From my therapist
The main focus of my discussion with my therapist today was how to know when to take Ativan. I really should’ve taken it last Friday night for Girl’s party. I was so worked up and cranky. I would’ve felt so much better and not put myself through the hassle and fatigue of a panic attack.…
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One Hundo
Today I reached 100 followers! I can’t even believe it! What began as a way for me to anonymously get used to speaking out with my voice and not censoring everything that was coming out of my mouth has turned into something bigger for me. I tried to have a blog so many times over…