Category: The Real Me
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Here we go again…
My psychiatric nurse practitioner was not open to me trying anything new for ADHD. She wanted to increase my Adderall so that I am now taking the max dose per day for adults. I loved the Adderall at first. Even the smallest dose made a huge difference initially. It was like it turned all the […]
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No more pieces to give
I have officially given away all of my pieces today. Everyone needed something from me and there’s nothing more to give. I feel exhausted and spent. I know some of it is hormonal and some of it comes from being out at an event last night. My oldest tried to call me last night to […]
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The Bus Stop
Last year, Boy #3 (who we affectionately refer to as “Grandpa” even though he’s only 11) was the only kid in this neighborhood at his school. The bus had to come all the way to our neighborhood, which is at the edge of the district for just him. I was excited for this year because […]
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Big Deal
I am still learning this. My internal monologue always tells me I am making excuses or making a bigger deal out of something. I have to work at turning off that voice or it will tear me to shreds every day. I am susceptible to gas lighting because of this internal voice. I already struggle […]
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Deep thoughts from the dark
I have been thinking recently about how I survived being suicidal for so long. Like I didn’t get close to attempting it after that first year. That first year I made plans more than once, wrote goodbye letters, and was very active in the process of choosing the right date and time. After that year, […]
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One Trick Pony
I have thought a lot about this blog and what I want to do with it and not do with it. I have read many other blogs and articles about how to write a successful blog. On one hand there seems to be some “conventional” wisdom about blogging and on the other, a “fuck it, […]
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Dear High School Friend,
A little over two years ago, we became friends again. Way back at the end of our teens, we stopped talking. After dating for two years and me repeatedly hurting you, I hurt you for the last time. But only because I had to let you go. You represented a past that made no sense […]
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No Apologies
So two days ago, I was a little ahead. I actually had my therapy and med appointments today. My therapy appointment today was great. I was able to go a little deeper with her today and let her into a bit more of me. She listened and her facial expressions were very validating. The most […]
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Tomorrow feels scary
I have two appointments tomorrow. One is with my psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. And within these last three months, my meds aren’t working as well as they used to. My attention span hasn’t been what it was on adderall previously. I haven’t had an increase in forever and the next increase puts […]
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you can’t be my friend anymore
I have unfriended two people on social media today that I need to let go of. This is pretty big for me, because one of them was a friend from middle/high school and the other is someone I have known for a long time. She used to be married to someone that I am friends […]
Zander's Inside Voice 