Tag: anxiety
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focus, Focus, FOCUS!!
My ADHD brain has lost its way. In the last few days I have left a huge trail of destruction through the house, been unable to finish tasks, and have been daydreaming more than ever. Today was no different. I made a mistake that was so cringeworthy that I am hesitant to repeat it here […]
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Repressed pain
Losing my wife’s grandmother sent me into some kind of bizarre panic. It took me until last night to make the connection. But it was weird. I didn’t understand why I was excluded, unloved, and undesired. I could see that there was a part of me that was not reacting properly and going into panic […]
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Today Sucks
I am working on a major project with my friend. She’s working on building her brand and wants to expand to a book this year. That’s the part I am helping her with. We were supposed to meet every Thursday. We met three weeks ago, then she canceled, then I canceled, and she canceled again […]
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Sunglasses
I bought new sunglasses recently. When I was in my 20s, I used to lose them all the time, so I never invested in a decent, comfortable pair. I did once buy this fancy pair of Nike sunglasses right after basic training, but they were the wrong color for wearing in military uniform. And then […]
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Dig Deep
I started this blog to work on putting myself out there and to stop living like I needed to appease everyone. With that came the unfortunate truth that I didn’t reveal much about myself and most of my friends were really acquaintances who didn’t know much about me. In retrospect I had so much to […]
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Some days I really suck
This morning has been a wreck. My main ADHD struggles are time management, organization in general, and creating piles of clutter. This creates tons of problems for me in various ways. I really struggle to pick it all up once it’s gotten to be too much for my brain. This means piles of clothes where […]
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It came today
Since I became an adult, I have had the original copy of my birth certificate that my parents received after I was born. The copy they used to register me for school, for extracurricular activities, again for middle school when we moved, and then in high school when we moved again. I used it to […]
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Anxiety, Dread, and…a car in the driveway?
today sucks. There, I said it. Today simply sucks. In December of 2021, I scheduled an appointment for this day. A regular appointment. The one that I hate with every fiber of my being because it’s all about the physical parts of me that I don’t want to acknowledge. The parts that make my life […]
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January Updates
I have not been back to posting regularly since the new year started. I have been feeling a block, actually. A dread almost, every time I think about what I want to write next. I have started two drafts and not finished them. When I do open up my computer, I avoid the WordPress tab […]
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When the words don’t come to me
I feel a way today. About myself, my past, my future, who I really am. But I can’t put words to it. It feels like there’s this longing in me for something that will never happen. For a life that I’ve already been robbed of. I feel this deep, defining sadness about living a lie […]
Zander's Inside Voice 