Tag: suicide
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Built for right now
I’ve been thinking these last few days about everything I have been through and how it was hard at the time in most cases, but how some of these things didn’t feel as hard until after the fact. Like in the moment I was just surviving and pushing through, not realizing that one day things…
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Healing
The blockage is still there inside me. I am not sure why or what it relates to, but I am starting to feel that there is a trauma that is unacknowledged, unspoken, and definitely in my way. It’s taking away everything I enjoy like writing, and even the optional lacrosse practices that I committed to…
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Too Deep
I’ve been feeling really good lately. It’s taken me so much time to unravel everything that happened in my early years and how utterly awful my parents were to me as a child. It feels like it’s all finally come together and I feel better than I ever have. I think about parts of what…
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Shot day
Today is Friday, the day I give myself a tiny injection of testosterone. I’ve been looking forward to this since Wednesday or so. This was my fifth week injecting myself. I don’t mind needles and so the idea of injecting myself wasn’t scary to me. I’ve had no trouble with it, especially because my doctor’s…
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The End
The squatter leaves this weekend. Finally. And all the squatter’s disgusting stuff will be gone too. I wish it had happened much sooner. I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve tried to ignore the numbness inside me that prevents me from feeling the pain of remembering what life used to be. I’ve tried to be understanding…
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May 30, 2007
Sangin, Helmand province, near the Kajaki Dam…one Chinook helicopter is shot down, supposedly by multiple rocket-propelled grenades (RPGs). I was there, 30K+ feet above it all. We moved to assist the recovery operations. The helicopter had been on fire when it crashed so there were definitely no survivors. Then there was an ambush on the…
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Unpopular Opinion
I saw Dear Evan Hansen last Saturday. I knew it won a bunch of Tony Awards. I knew it was well loved and very popular. And I did not like it. I loved parts of it, I must admit. There were some great songs. The acting was really good but the characters weren’t as developed…
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Bad Blogger!
I have felt myself fading from blogging the past few days. I’m not even sure how long it’s been. One day? Two days? After my January break from blogging, I wanted to be consistent. I love stats and metrics, so I love when I see that I’m on some super long streak. But at the…