Tag: suicide
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Being small
Back in March 2015 I finally broke. Everything was collapsing around me at home and at work. My marriage was failing, work sucked and I felt lost, and I just didn’t want to live anymore. What ultimately pushed me over the edge was finding out Boy #1 was dealing with serious bullying and wanted to […]
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When the words don’t come to me
I feel a way today. About myself, my past, my future, who I really am. But I can’t put words to it. It feels like there’s this longing in me for something that will never happen. For a life that I’ve already been robbed of. I feel this deep, defining sadness about living a lie […]
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Daily Prompt 12/20
Talk about your father or a father figure in your life. My father has been a frequent subject here for most of the time I have been blogging. Our relationship has never been what I wanted and needed but I do believe he does the very best he can do. I know he was under […]
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My Misery
I can’t go too deep into myself very often because it hurts too much down there. It’s where the deepest traumas live, where the pain goes when I have to push it away for just a bit because I can’t cope with it. It’s where the question of “Why did I have to be born […]
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Too Much
It’s all too much today. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. There were 5 conditions that the VA deferred and they don’t really matter anymore because I already hit 100% with the conditions they rated earlier. Now one of the companies they use for appointments is calling me and I cannot answer my phone right […]
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The Bags I Carry
We are all carrying way too many bags of crap around in our hearts and souls. This is an analogy that I always liked because I felt so heavy for so long because I was carrying the weight of the world in my bags. I have always been an intense thinker and sometimes anxiety-ridden worrier […]
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The Off Button
I am crazy empathetic and mostly I love it. Sometimes I hate it. Today I hate it. I am very close to my ex’s family. The parents, siblings, siblings’ spouses, and the nieces/nephew are mostly cool people. We all made a choice to stay family. Sure, the kids are their blood family, but the kids […]
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Wow
I found out today that a fellow blogger who wrote some really great stuff on mental health and was very open about suicide died earlier this month. She was open about what works and doesn’t for her, and all the aspects of her own mental health struggles. Her stuff was hard hitting and made you […]
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The Inner Voice
Three years ago: Inner Voice-You are stupid. You make bad choices. You do everything wrong and you are worthless. You married someone that isn’t right for you way too soon. You didn’t even know this person. You are dumb. You had a kid too fast. Then you had three more kids. You are a fucking […]
Zander's Inside Voice 