Tag: depression
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May 30, 2007
Sangin, Helmand province, near the Kajaki Dam…one Chinook helicopter is shot down, supposedly by multiple rocket-propelled grenades (RPGs). I was there, 30K+ feet above it all. We moved to assist the recovery operations. The helicopter had been on fire when it crashed so there were definitely no survivors. Then there was an ambush on the…
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Unpopular Opinion
I saw Dear Evan Hansen last Saturday. I knew it won a bunch of Tony Awards. I knew it was well loved and very popular. And I did not like it. I loved parts of it, I must admit. There were some great songs. The acting was really good but the characters weren’t as developed…
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Memories
I suddenly started thinking about a boy from my earliest days at school. We called him DJ. He definitely would’ve been labeled with ADHD and given meds at this point in his life. DJ was a huge part of my life without him even realizing it. I was raised as a people pleaser, so I…
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the Help abandons me
today I had a therapy appointment. Once upon a time, when I first retired from the military, I decided quickly that I needed to find a therapist. I checked my new insurance plan to see who was covered around here and chose a place that sounded good. I was randomly paired up with someone. That…
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Manifestation of Stress
Things here are still stressful. People are still who they’ve always been. And I am just trying to hold it all together. But my body is showing me that it remembers the past traumas and pain. It remembers what it’s like to spend all of its energy on just staying alive. Suddenly my appetite changes…
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I don’t know anything anymore
Everything feels a little hurty right now. From all this stuff in the media, to hurting friends, to this squatter in our house. It all feels like so much sometimes. I don’t understand why everything has to feel so hard sometimes. Or why people can’t act normal. And mostly I just want to know how…
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Surviving
This situation is hard. But I am doing ok. I am frustrated but not freaking out. My body remembers the physical fear I used to feel. Sudden movements find me on edge often. I am annoyed, but not revealing anything about how I feel. Parents #2 texted my wife and I last night, thanking us…
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I used to be better
I remember a time in my life, 2014-2016, when I could do the following: get up, shower, get dressed, get 4 kids up and dressed, get everyone to school/daycare, go to work, be productive all day at work, leave work, pick up the two at daycare, get home, change, get back on the road to…
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One Hundo
Today I reached 100 followers! I can’t even believe it! What began as a way for me to anonymously get used to speaking out with my voice and not censoring everything that was coming out of my mouth has turned into something bigger for me. I tried to have a blog so many times over…
Zander's Inside Voice 