Tag: trauma
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Happy Anniversary!
WordPress told me that today is my one year anniversary blogging. ROCK ON!! It’s been an entire year already. I remember when I started. My goal was to stop censoring myself and finally speak my mind without holding back. I was so afraid of offending people. Fast forward to today…I don’t hold back even on…
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My therapist is leaving but…
I have reconnected with the one I had before! We had our first session last week and it went really well. I was so worried about contacting her because she left counseling completely when she left the place I was going last year. But then 6 months later, I found her again and she was…
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College Reunion
My college reunion was this past weekend. I didn’t go. I did attend my wife’s last year. But there’s so much I can’t seem to get over with my class. There’s people I can’t stand and people that I’m sure can’t stand me. I was so different back then, so unhealed. I was with the…
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Stop holding it all in
(Mental note to self-it does not help you to hold in your emotions. You know this. You have learned this lesson repeatedly over the last three or so years. Just stop already!) I woke up yesterday and right away I knew I wasn’t feeling like myself. Something was off. I was cranky but for no…
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May 30, 2007
Sangin, Helmand province, near the Kajaki Dam…one Chinook helicopter is shot down, supposedly by multiple rocket-propelled grenades (RPGs). I was there, 30K+ feet above it all. We moved to assist the recovery operations. The helicopter had been on fire when it crashed so there were definitely no survivors. Then there was an ambush on the…
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Bad Blogger!
I have felt myself fading from blogging the past few days. I’m not even sure how long it’s been. One day? Two days? After my January break from blogging, I wanted to be consistent. I love stats and metrics, so I love when I see that I’m on some super long streak. But at the…
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the Help abandons me
today I had a therapy appointment. Once upon a time, when I first retired from the military, I decided quickly that I needed to find a therapist. I checked my new insurance plan to see who was covered around here and chose a place that sounded good. I was randomly paired up with someone. That…
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Boy #2
Boy #2 is about to be 17 on Thursday. This feels impossible because it’s gone by so fast. It’s also crazy to think that he’s THISCLOSE to being an adult. In some ways he’s ready for more responsibility and in other ways, he’s still very much a child. He’s changed a lot since Boy #1…
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Manifestation of Stress
Things here are still stressful. People are still who they’ve always been. And I am just trying to hold it all together. But my body is showing me that it remembers the past traumas and pain. It remembers what it’s like to spend all of its energy on just staying alive. Suddenly my appetite changes…
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The Past
Things have been tough here with our guests, Boy #1 and the Squatter. Boy #1 had a tough life. Growing up, he required so much attention and time. It was exhausting. He can still be exhausting. He fights with so much more than anyone I know. He has been diagnosed with so many things like…