Tag: trauma
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Great Sadness
My father texted me this morning to tell me that his sister, my aunt passed away last night. Ugh. There are so many layers to this. My father’s family of origin has been one of those topics I don’t really like to talk or even think about. His mother was a narcissistic, lying, dramatic bitch.…
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When the words don’t come to me
I feel a way today. About myself, my past, my future, who I really am. But I can’t put words to it. It feels like there’s this longing in me for something that will never happen. For a life that I’ve already been robbed of. I feel this deep, defining sadness about living a lie…
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Daily Prompt 12/20
Talk about your father or a father figure in your life. My father has been a frequent subject here for most of the time I have been blogging. Our relationship has never been what I wanted and needed but I do believe he does the very best he can do. I know he was under…
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Daily Prompt 12/19
Is your life today like what you pictured a year ago? This is another good question! Yes, it does look very similar to what I had pictured a year ago, especially because all the stuff with the VA came through. I wasn’t really expecting that so soon. I initially put my claim in almost a…
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News that weighs heavy
Apparently Texas Attorney General and Douche Bag Ken Paxton requested information about how many Texas license holders changed their gender in the last 24 months. This feels so incredibly dangerous. This information isn’t necessary. It’s one thing to be “concerned” about children’s health, but it’s quite another to chase around that information for adults. I…
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Stepping Back
When I first started thinking about retiring from the Air Force, I had so many ideas about what I wanted to do. A huge part of me was considering applying for this recall that would give me two more years in the Air Force. I felt like I needed that security blanket, like I wasn’t…
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My Misery
I can’t go too deep into myself very often because it hurts too much down there. It’s where the deepest traumas live, where the pain goes when I have to push it away for just a bit because I can’t cope with it. It’s where the question of “Why did I have to be born…
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Wisdom
I actually learned this a couple years ago and when I can stick to it, I feel so much happier. Forcing things has always led me to chase things that aren’t meant for me. When I’ve gotten those things, it doesn’t do anything for me. Or I realized that the path I was on was…
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The Sound of Silence
Disturbed version (Official Video) This version of this song is MY SONG. David Draimen, the lead singer, just emotes so much during the entire song. The music, the instruments, the way he sings the lyrics, his face, all of it is so intense. I’ve known the original version of this song for my entire life…
Zander's Inside Voice 