Zander's Inside Voice

Things have been tough here with our guests, Boy #1 and the Squatter.

Boy #1 had a tough life. Growing up, he required so much attention and time. It was exhausting. He can still be exhausting. He fights with so much more than anyone I know. He has been diagnosed with so many things like ADHD, OCD, seizures, Tourette’s, anxiety, and he’s on the autism spectrum.

But he also had so much working against him. He was always in trouble because he can be abrasive. He can’t settle down or really do anything on anyone term’s but his own. He needs to learn so much the hard way. I know he gets that from me. The world is not kind though, and I have “unlearned” some of my tendencies to be difficult. But he hasn’t gotten there yet.

Last night everything came to a head and there were several whispered discussions and some tears. Several of us were really upset about this huge variety of things, all of which point to have two guests here with extensive emotional baggage.

Boy #1 goes outside to talk to his friend and when we realized the door was unlocked and he was MIA, we were concerned. We called for him and Boy #2 went outside to look for him. When we couldn’t find him, I texted him. He called me and started swearing and yelling at me. I promptly hung up. We had just been talking a few hours before about what we can do to get his friend up here and both of them settled where they want to go to college. We talked about money, banking, how to handle things like signing for an apartment. I thought it was productive. And just a few hours later, he was yelling and swearing at me.

I don’t handle that well, and he kept trying to call me back as I was texting him back. I refused to answer for awhile. Finally he stopped trying and we texted for a few minutes. He apologized and then we finally talked. I have noticed a decline in the relationship between him and the other guest. Things feel like 2020 all over again, when things were horrible. Boy #1 can’t do anything right. The other guest is on him ALL the time about stupid things, while the other three are treated like they are perfect. (Spoiler, they are not. They each have their own strengths, weaknesses, and annoying habits that are equally as irritating as Boy #1.)

I told him that I see him. That I know he is hurting because I see that same bullshit happening again. But I won’t step in for him. I won’t smooth this over. Boy #1 is legally an adult and if there is to be a relationship between him and another adult, it’s not for me to get in the middle of it, fix it, or even facilitate it. It’s his decision 100%. The safest answer may be to pull away quietly, which I think all four will do eventually.

Boy #1 has an appointment to see my therapist in May. He needs it to start a very hard road of recovery from everything he has endured. He didn’t deserve so much of what happened to him as a little kid. I will be happy when I can help him get on the road to feeling better and away from people who hurt him.