Tag: depression
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The Sound of Silence
Disturbed version (Official Video) This version of this song is MY SONG. David Draimen, the lead singer, just emotes so much during the entire song. The music, the instruments, the way he sings the lyrics, his face, all of it is so intense. I’ve known the original version of this song for my entire life…
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The Off Button
I am crazy empathetic and mostly I love it. Sometimes I hate it. Today I hate it. I am very close to my ex’s family. The parents, siblings, siblings’ spouses, and the nieces/nephew are mostly cool people. We all made a choice to stay family. Sure, the kids are their blood family, but the kids…
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Somebody else’s life…
I love Boy George and Culture Club. I have loved them since I was about 6 years old. The whole idea of a boy dressed like a girl didn’t even strike me as strange. I liked their songs, their voices, all of their music. As I’ve gotten older, that hasn’t changed, although I understand so…
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My Life is Forever CHANGED
I had the toughest conversation I never thought I would be able to have with my father this morning. We had planned to do the last lesson in our emotionally healthy relationships program today. He called me on FaceTime and I answered. We talked about what’s new and what is going on here and there.…
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To Fight…or not
Seasonal affective disorder has me living the life of GoT Stark House: Last night felt bad for some reason. It was like my emotions were all mixed up in a sad way. I have noticed as I heal that I am not very knowledgeable about my emotions. I always thought I was good at emotions…
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Closure Not Needed?
This one hit me over the head yesterday. I always considered closure important and something that I needed to get over things. I was always upset when someone just stopped talking to me completely and I didn’t get all the answers I needed. I felt like I couldn’t just let things go and I was…
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Two years ago
I lived almost a thousand miles from where I live now. I was finalizing my retirement from the Air Force. I was deciding what the rest of my life was going to look like. I was having horrific nightmares every night. I was scared of everything. I had recently learned how to manage my panic…
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The Inner Voice
Three years ago: Inner Voice-You are stupid. You make bad choices. You do everything wrong and you are worthless. You married someone that isn’t right for you way too soon. You didn’t even know this person. You are dumb. You had a kid too fast. Then you had three more kids. You are a fucking…
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Deep thoughts from the dark
I have been thinking recently about how I survived being suicidal for so long. Like I didn’t get close to attempting it after that first year. That first year I made plans more than once, wrote goodbye letters, and was very active in the process of choosing the right date and time. After that year,…
Zander's Inside Voice 