Tag: depression
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I’m back, for real this time
The squatter has departed. For good this time. I feel relieved and like there’s much recovery to take place now. I went to a place mentally I haven’t been in for quite some time and it scared me. Thankfully I had a therapist appointment this morning and got to talk about it and all of…
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The End
The squatter leaves this weekend. Finally. And all the squatter’s disgusting stuff will be gone too. I wish it had happened much sooner. I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve tried to ignore the numbness inside me that prevents me from feeling the pain of remembering what life used to be. I’ve tried to be understanding…
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My therapist is leaving but…
I have reconnected with the one I had before! We had our first session last week and it went really well. I was so worried about contacting her because she left counseling completely when she left the place I was going last year. But then 6 months later, I found her again and she was…
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May 30, 2007
Sangin, Helmand province, near the Kajaki Dam…one Chinook helicopter is shot down, supposedly by multiple rocket-propelled grenades (RPGs). I was there, 30K+ feet above it all. We moved to assist the recovery operations. The helicopter had been on fire when it crashed so there were definitely no survivors. Then there was an ambush on the…
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Unpopular Opinion
I saw Dear Evan Hansen last Saturday. I knew it won a bunch of Tony Awards. I knew it was well loved and very popular. And I did not like it. I loved parts of it, I must admit. There were some great songs. The acting was really good but the characters weren’t as developed…
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Memories
I suddenly started thinking about a boy from my earliest days at school. We called him DJ. He definitely would’ve been labeled with ADHD and given meds at this point in his life. DJ was a huge part of my life without him even realizing it. I was raised as a people pleaser, so I…
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the Help abandons me
today I had a therapy appointment. Once upon a time, when I first retired from the military, I decided quickly that I needed to find a therapist. I checked my new insurance plan to see who was covered around here and chose a place that sounded good. I was randomly paired up with someone. That…
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Manifestation of Stress
Things here are still stressful. People are still who they’ve always been. And I am just trying to hold it all together. But my body is showing me that it remembers the past traumas and pain. It remembers what it’s like to spend all of its energy on just staying alive. Suddenly my appetite changes…
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I don’t know anything anymore
Everything feels a little hurty right now. From all this stuff in the media, to hurting friends, to this squatter in our house. It all feels like so much sometimes. I don’t understand why everything has to feel so hard sometimes. Or why people can’t act normal. And mostly I just want to know how…
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Surviving
This situation is hard. But I am doing ok. I am frustrated but not freaking out. My body remembers the physical fear I used to feel. Sudden movements find me on edge often. I am annoyed, but not revealing anything about how I feel. Parents #2 texted my wife and I last night, thanking us…