Category: The Real Me
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Changes
I’ve been blogging for almost 3 months. I have noticed a lot of changes in that time. I am getting so much more comfortable with speaking up for what matters to me and figuring out who I am after a lifetime of putting on a stage production called “My life as it’s been dictated to…
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Dear World
My entire life has been shaped by the world outside of me up until recently. It’s only been within the last year that I have been able to take control of my own life and start living as I want to. I was brought up to be more concerned about what my neighbors think than…
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My doctor’s visit today
I go to an awesome doctor’s office. Last year I saw the nurse practitioner for my first appointment but a few months ago I got a call that she was leaving and would I like to see the doctor instead. I said sure, because I had heard awesome things about him. The staff there is…
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Closure Not Needed?
This one hit me over the head yesterday. I always considered closure important and something that I needed to get over things. I was always upset when someone just stopped talking to me completely and I didn’t get all the answers I needed. I felt like I couldn’t just let things go and I was…
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Two years ago
I lived almost a thousand miles from where I live now. I was finalizing my retirement from the Air Force. I was deciding what the rest of my life was going to look like. I was having horrific nightmares every night. I was scared of everything. I had recently learned how to manage my panic…
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That painful conversation
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to talk about with my dad for that relationship class we are doing. I am going with the infantilizing thing, but there’s a lot to it. I want to make sure I get as much as possible in the conversation and I hope he…
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The Inner Voice
Three years ago: Inner Voice-You are stupid. You make bad choices. You do everything wrong and you are worthless. You married someone that isn’t right for you way too soon. You didn’t even know this person. You are dumb. You had a kid too fast. Then you had three more kids. You are a fucking…
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Live your best life…
This is what I need to tell myself every day. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to trust myself and live by my own rules. Maybe I just need to keep working on developing my own rules, after living by everyone else’s rules for so long. So the question I need to…
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Now What?
Today my father and I worked on a lesson in this Emotionally Healthy Relationships course he became a facilitator for in his church. He wanted to practice it more than the one time they rushed through it in the training, and he thought it might help us improve our relationship. Initially, he was sending me…
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Here we go again…
My psychiatric nurse practitioner was not open to me trying anything new for ADHD. She wanted to increase my Adderall so that I am now taking the max dose per day for adults. I loved the Adderall at first. Even the smallest dose made a huge difference initially. It was like it turned all the…
Zander's Inside Voice 