I blog because writing is therapeutic for me. I sort so many things out while I write and think things through. I chose blogging as the format for this type of writing because I was not yet ready to share myself with my real world. The idea of anonymously putting myself out there seemed so much easier than talking to my friends or even writing to them.
Most people don’t know the real me inside because I’ve been so guarded my whole life. Always afraid of a misstep and always terrified that everyone would confirm exactly what I was told growing up-no one actually cares about what I have to say and what I think. That I was just too much for most people. I grew up in an “Everything is FINE” world where we hid our pain, bit our tongues to prevent saying what we really wanted to say, and put out the best facade we could create.
This damages people. This is NO WAY to raise children.
I had a fake self so strong that I wasn’t even sure who I was for most of my life.
I know now and I refuse to be what everyone wants me to be. I am a nice person, but not so nice that I’ll just take people’s crap. Not so nice that my new assistant coaches at soccer are running my team for me. They do what I tell them and recognize that I am still in charge. I also don’t necessarily need to be in charge to flex, but I am the one who signed up, went to the meeting, gets all the info, and does all the administrative stuff like filling out game reports and being early for games and practices.
I blog to hopefully reach people with whatever I’m feeling that day, whether it’s an ADHD thing, parenting thing, mental health struggle or victory, or something else. I blog to clear my head, defuse excess energy or try out some new idea I’ve crafted up. I blog to share off the wall ideas that I wonder if anyone else has thought.
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