Category: The Real Me
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sitting in my shame
Yesterday I had to do a VA exam for part of the claim that was initially deferred. But because I’ve already got 100%, these exams don’t even matter. I can’t get any more money at this point unless I lose a limb. But I still feel like I should finish all of these open exams…
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definitions
How does a dream start? Where does a dream come from? How do you figure out what your dream is (or dreams are)? How do you know what you are meant to do in life? We are defined by our jobs and our families and sometimes what we believe in, but what really are those…
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Stepping Back
When I first started thinking about retiring from the Air Force, I had so many ideas about what I wanted to do. A huge part of me was considering applying for this recall that would give me two more years in the Air Force. I felt like I needed that security blanket, like I wasn’t…
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My Misery
I can’t go too deep into myself very often because it hurts too much down there. It’s where the deepest traumas live, where the pain goes when I have to push it away for just a bit because I can’t cope with it. It’s where the question of “Why did I have to be born…
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Mitch
Years ago I had season tickets to a college football team in a city nearby to ours. I love football and I decided to get season tickets the year the college brought back their football team after decades of not having one. I grew up with my dad having season tickets to our local college…
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The Things I Want to Ask…but won’t
Why was it so funny to you to pick on me and make me feel small all the time? Why didn’t you trust me when you were the one who couldn’t be trusted? Do you even know how much you hurt me when you put me down in front of everyone like that? When you…
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Too Much
It’s all too much today. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. There were 5 conditions that the VA deferred and they don’t really matter anymore because I already hit 100% with the conditions they rated earlier. Now one of the companies they use for appointments is calling me and I cannot answer my phone right…
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Wisdom
I actually learned this a couple years ago and when I can stick to it, I feel so much happier. Forcing things has always led me to chase things that aren’t meant for me. When I’ve gotten those things, it doesn’t do anything for me. Or I realized that the path I was on was…
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We’re all in this together, part II
A long time ago, and sometimes in my lifetime, there were very rigid sets of expectations for how men and women must behave. It applied to what types of clothing were acceptable in public, occupations (except in war time because there’s no rules during war time apparently), who did what with their children, hobbies, etc.…
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We are all in this together
I am naturally a very curious person. I like to know why and how things happen. I really love to learn and figure out new things. One of these things I really wanted to understand was the TERF (Trans- Exclusionary Radical Feminist) mindset. Being AFAB at birth but always wanting to be male, it never…
Zander's Inside Voice 