Tag: Mental Health
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Honoring Grandmothers
As a kid, I loved my birthday up until I was about 8 or 9. I can’t exactly explain what happened, but I think it had to do with being old enough to realize what was going on. Like I was suddenly aware of how I was being treated. My birthday became a day I…
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Room of Pain
No, no, not that kind of room of pain. This isn’t about BDSM. No judgement if that’s your jam, though. I’m talking about this place inside of me that seems to hold weird memories and the extreme pain of rejection. I was an outcast for so long. It seemed to follow me wherever I went…
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Name Change
I’ve been ready to change my name since I was four years old. Once I was strong enough to move my furniture around my room, I used to hide behind my dresser and write my chosen name in crayon on the back of my dresser. I would write Timmy or Sylvester over and over. I…
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R. Kelly
I’ve been watching the Surviving R. Kelly documentaries the last few weeks. At the time all of his abuses were coming to light, I was sort of out of touch with it. My life was always kind of nuts in the early 2000s. I do recall hearing some of it and that no one believed…
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Summing up a life
The funeral was today. As expected, it was difficult. As an empathetic person, I felt sadness all around me. There were pictures of her scrolling on the tv the entire time. And wouldn’t you know it, every single picture of her with a birthday cake in front of her was all smiles of pure joy.…
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Repressed pain
Losing my wife’s grandmother sent me into some kind of bizarre panic. It took me until last night to make the connection. But it was weird. I didn’t understand why I was excluded, unloved, and undesired. I could see that there was a part of me that was not reacting properly and going into panic…
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Sunglasses
I bought new sunglasses recently. When I was in my 20s, I used to lose them all the time, so I never invested in a decent, comfortable pair. I did once buy this fancy pair of Nike sunglasses right after basic training, but they were the wrong color for wearing in military uniform. And then…
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It’s Almost Time
I have everything I need to change my name legally now. I can feel that I am ready for it and that it needs to happen soon. There’s just a few things I worry about, like telling everyone. And changing all the documents to the correct name. And then the part where I file to…
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Some days I really suck
This morning has been a wreck. My main ADHD struggles are time management, organization in general, and creating piles of clutter. This creates tons of problems for me in various ways. I really struggle to pick it all up once it’s gotten to be too much for my brain. This means piles of clothes where…