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Stepping Back
When I first started thinking about retiring from the Air Force, I had so many ideas about what I wanted to do. A huge part of me was considering applying for this recall that would give me two more years in the Air Force. I felt like I needed that security blanket, like I wasn’t…
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My Misery
I can’t go too deep into myself very often because it hurts too much down there. It’s where the deepest traumas live, where the pain goes when I have to push it away for just a bit because I can’t cope with it. It’s where the question of “Why did I have to be born…
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Mitch
Years ago I had season tickets to a college football team in a city nearby to ours. I love football and I decided to get season tickets the year the college brought back their football team after decades of not having one. I grew up with my dad having season tickets to our local college…
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The Things I Want to Ask…but won’t
Why was it so funny to you to pick on me and make me feel small all the time? Why didn’t you trust me when you were the one who couldn’t be trusted? Do you even know how much you hurt me when you put me down in front of everyone like that? When you…
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Christmas Decorating
When I was a kid, my mom decorated our whole house. She had specific things for each window, garlands for the railings, outdoor lights, indoor lights, old decorations, bubble lights you couldn’t buy anymore, ornaments I made in kindergarten and at Sunday school every year when I was really young. She made the house feel…
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Work Day
It was a morning to sleep in, but not a day off. Thanksgiving cooking and prep was in full swing in the kitchen. Boy #3 and I assembled our new snowblower and his new smoker that was the main birthday present he got this past weekend. He helped me briefly with winterizing efforts out back.…
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Too Much
It’s all too much today. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. There were 5 conditions that the VA deferred and they don’t really matter anymore because I already hit 100% with the conditions they rated earlier. Now one of the companies they use for appointments is calling me and I cannot answer my phone right…
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Our Cats
We have two cats. Or more accurately, we are owned by two cats. They have larger than life personalities and I know some people don’t understand how pets are very much like children. These cats are like toddlers. They can be really sweet, but they also have tantrums which include purposely swatting at the blinds,…
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Wisdom
I actually learned this a couple years ago and when I can stick to it, I feel so much happier. Forcing things has always led me to chase things that aren’t meant for me. When I’ve gotten those things, it doesn’t do anything for me. Or I realized that the path I was on was…
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We’re all in this together, part II
A long time ago, and sometimes in my lifetime, there were very rigid sets of expectations for how men and women must behave. It applied to what types of clothing were acceptable in public, occupations (except in war time because there’s no rules during war time apparently), who did what with their children, hobbies, etc.…