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Why Me?
So often when I think about the question “Why me”, I think about it in a very negative way. Like someone upset with what’s been done to them but some psychopath or why they have to deal with an illness or condition that sucks. For a long time I have been trying to reframe the […]
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Dear Brother
Hello. I know we have grown apart so much in our adult lives. We have lived at different corners of the same country. We have both suffered tremendous pain, highs so great that we wanted to scream about our joy from mountaintops, and the end of our military careers. We have had children and lived […]
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Tomorrow feels scary
I have two appointments tomorrow. One is with my psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. And within these last three months, my meds aren’t working as well as they used to. My attention span hasn’t been what it was on adderall previously. I haven’t had an increase in forever and the next increase puts […]
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Could my past be true?
One of my biggest struggles has been that I don’t believe that I have suffered as much as I have. It’s like I have to validate myself to myself. I often think I am exaggerating what I have been through, or I don’t remember something as accurately. Maybe my babysitter didn’t hit us as much […]
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Halloween
Decorations in the house have been swapped to fall/Halloween. As a kid I loved Halloween. I dressed up as a ghost, an Army man, a pirate, Darth Vader (multiple years), a vampire (also multiple years), and other things with those scary plastic masks that had really small eye holes. I was never a princess, fairy, […]
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Cults
We love documentaries about cults. At this point we have watched more than I can even remember. Scientology, FDLS, Heaven’s Gate, Jonestown, Branch Davidians, NXIVM, Doc Antle, Children of God, Rajneeshpuram, we have seen it all. I think what fascinates me the most is how the leaders (who seem more like ordinary idiots than idols) […]
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2 Hours
I just talked to my oldest for two hours. It was awesome. He’s such a good kid. We hadn’t talked in awhile and it’s so interesting to see how much he changes between conversations. He has done so much growing since high school graduation last year. He has walked a hard road. He had gotten […]
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Dear Mom,
I started to handwrite this letter a few months ago, but had to stop because it overwhelmed me. You have no idea how much I have held inside all of these years. Every time I tried to get right with what happened and who you are, I feel this immense pain bubble up inside me. […]
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you can’t be my friend anymore
I have unfriended two people on social media today that I need to let go of. This is pretty big for me, because one of them was a friend from middle/high school and the other is someone I have known for a long time. She used to be married to someone that I am friends […]
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Zander's Inside Voice 