Category: The Real Me
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Big Deal
I am still learning this. My internal monologue always tells me I am making excuses or making a bigger deal out of something. I have to work at turning off that voice or it will tear me to shreds every day. I am susceptible to gas lighting because of this internal voice. I already struggle…
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Deep thoughts from the dark
I have been thinking recently about how I survived being suicidal for so long. Like I didn’t get close to attempting it after that first year. That first year I made plans more than once, wrote goodbye letters, and was very active in the process of choosing the right date and time. After that year,…
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One Trick Pony
I have thought a lot about this blog and what I want to do with it and not do with it. I have read many other blogs and articles about how to write a successful blog. On one hand there seems to be some “conventional” wisdom about blogging and on the other, a “fuck it,…
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Dear High School Friend,
A little over two years ago, we became friends again. Way back at the end of our teens, we stopped talking. After dating for two years and me repeatedly hurting you, I hurt you for the last time. But only because I had to let you go. You represented a past that made no sense…
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No Apologies
So two days ago, I was a little ahead. I actually had my therapy and med appointments today. My therapy appointment today was great. I was able to go a little deeper with her today and let her into a bit more of me. She listened and her facial expressions were very validating. The most…
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Tomorrow feels scary
I have two appointments tomorrow. One is with my psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. And within these last three months, my meds aren’t working as well as they used to. My attention span hasn’t been what it was on adderall previously. I haven’t had an increase in forever and the next increase puts…
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you can’t be my friend anymore
I have unfriended two people on social media today that I need to let go of. This is pretty big for me, because one of them was a friend from middle/high school and the other is someone I have known for a long time. She used to be married to someone that I am friends…
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The Kid Life
My wife and I spent the gloomy afternoon playing the Classic NES. It was just as fun as I remember, although I used to be a lot better. “Hours of a misspent youth,” as I call it. Sometimes you just need to shake things up and do something when it’s too gross to get outside.…
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Auditioning Names
One of the coolest things about my life is that I am in a position to choose a new name. My entire life has consisted of me trying on new names in my imagination and in the stories I create in my head. I always took naming very seriously for the kids, and I think…
Zander's Inside Voice 