Tag: trauma
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A little experiment
For years I wanted to write a blog but I was scared of my own voice. Sometimes I would post something remotely controversial on my FB page, like the time I said for everyone to understand that representation matters when our VP was sworn in. Immediately old military co-workers jumped on it, saying things like…
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R. Kelly
I’ve been watching the Surviving R. Kelly documentaries the last few weeks. At the time all of his abuses were coming to light, I was sort of out of touch with it. My life was always kind of nuts in the early 2000s. I do recall hearing some of it and that no one believed…
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Dig Deep
I started this blog to work on putting myself out there and to stop living like I needed to appease everyone. With that came the unfortunate truth that I didn’t reveal much about myself and most of my friends were really acquaintances who didn’t know much about me. In retrospect I had so much to…
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Being small
Back in March 2015 I finally broke. Everything was collapsing around me at home and at work. My marriage was failing, work sucked and I felt lost, and I just didn’t want to live anymore. What ultimately pushed me over the edge was finding out Boy #1 was dealing with serious bullying and wanted to…
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Great Sadness
My father texted me this morning to tell me that his sister, my aunt passed away last night. Ugh. There are so many layers to this. My father’s family of origin has been one of those topics I don’t really like to talk or even think about. His mother was a narcissistic, lying, dramatic bitch.…
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When the words don’t come to me
I feel a way today. About myself, my past, my future, who I really am. But I can’t put words to it. It feels like there’s this longing in me for something that will never happen. For a life that I’ve already been robbed of. I feel this deep, defining sadness about living a lie…
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Daily Prompt 12/20
Talk about your father or a father figure in your life. My father has been a frequent subject here for most of the time I have been blogging. Our relationship has never been what I wanted and needed but I do believe he does the very best he can do. I know he was under…
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Daily Prompt 12/19
Is your life today like what you pictured a year ago? This is another good question! Yes, it does look very similar to what I had pictured a year ago, especially because all the stuff with the VA came through. I wasn’t really expecting that so soon. I initially put my claim in almost a…
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News that weighs heavy
Apparently Texas Attorney General and Douche Bag Ken Paxton requested information about how many Texas license holders changed their gender in the last 24 months. This feels so incredibly dangerous. This information isn’t necessary. It’s one thing to be “concerned” about children’s health, but it’s quite another to chase around that information for adults. I…
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Stepping Back
When I first started thinking about retiring from the Air Force, I had so many ideas about what I wanted to do. A huge part of me was considering applying for this recall that would give me two more years in the Air Force. I felt like I needed that security blanket, like I wasn’t…