For once in my life, I am not worried about what others think of me. I have finally reached a place where I no longer rush to judge others. I find that in “real-life” outside of the military culture I existed in for over 20 years, it’s so much easier to not judge others. The military officer corps is so competitive that you’re constantly judging where you stand among the crowd and so you are judging yourself, others, and living with the constant knowledge that you are also being judged by others.
Now I get to not care. Judge me all you want. My life and story are my own and we aren’t all trying to get to the same place. Sadly, it’s taken me about three years to arrive here, where I get to just worry about my own unique story. The biggest problem I found was my own tendency to judge. As long as I allowed that characteristic to exist, I was concerned about also being judged.
I had a huge realization this past Friday at a museum event that I don’t care who my friends are, and everyone is welcomed as long as they are kind and treat me well. What happened was that I was talking to someone’s husband while my wife was talking to another employee. This other employee noticed who I was talking to and said something along the lines of “poor me” talking to this guy. My wife told her that I actually like him and we get along really well. The other employee seemed surprised.
Yes, he is a lot. He’s high energy like a big happy golden retriever. He’s sarcastic and inappropriate at times, sometimes slapping his wife’s butt when she’s among coworkers. He’s also kind, because every few times I see him, he makes me rice krispy treats with a little bit of peanut butter, which is DELICIOUS! I tried one once, and I told his wife how much I loved them. He was so flattered that I now generally get my own pan to take home when he makes them for events. I don’t mind the inappropriate comments but I think he probably should be a little more concerned about not making his wife look unprofessional in front of people she supervises. Not my problem, though. I don’t need to be the spouse supervisor or police officer. She should say something, not me.
There’s another guy who also coaches the girl’s lacrosse team with me. The first day he was there, he was so much. He was loud, he was telling the girls that the boys suck because boys lacrosse is just violent with a lot less skill. He called the boys dumb and was corrected by another coach who heard a player ask if she could call her brother dumb. I decided after that one practice that I didn’t like him. We had been practicing for several weeks before he showed up and it felt like he was ruining everything we had built up. I didn’t even talk to him once that first practice.
The second practice he finally asked me my name and formally introduced himself. I told him that I played goalie and I was here to help overall, but also to work with the goalies. It turned into him asking me tons of questions about goalie rules and the rules that I played under way back when. We finally got along. It was only then that I realized that no one else really liked him. I also realized that the other coaches liked me more than him. I try not to take over and act like the head coach, unlike this guy. He wants to be in charge wherever he is. He did some things during the tournament in October that upset the head coach, like calling a time out. But I think he’s ok. He definitely seems to respect my knowledge and experience now, which is great. So another difficult person I can deal with.
I think that life is so much easier for me when I don’t have to worry about judging everyone around me. I know that I feel so much more relaxed and less worried about things. I do have random days when I feel very anxious about nothing in particular, or anxiety about something so farfetched that it’s ridiculous to cry about it. But those days are one offs that aren’t my regular existence anymore.
Leave a Reply