Category: Raw
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Letters and Apologies
I can’t believe we are crossing over mid-November already. Where has this year gone? Why did it go by so fast? I keep getting reminders of the break-in at my Florida house almost every week that remind that August is getting farther and farther in the past. The victim advocate calls me with every update…
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Feelings
I’ve been thinking a lot about feelings and how I was brought up to not feel anything except angry. When I was sad, hurt, disappointed, too happy, or anything other than angry or numb, it was wrong. Disappointment was particularly unacceptable. I remember an incident where my dad and I were supposed to go to…
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Consistency
I want to get better about blogging regularly again. I was so focused in the spring and I’m proud of how much writing I was doing. Then the squatter came and life changed. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. No one wants to be asked what they’re doing constantly or what they’ve…
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Out of sync
I’m still recovering from the surgery. The reaction rash is pretty much cleared up and now the areas where my skin turned deep red and slowly fading back to normal color. I finished the steroids on Sunday and ended up in a good bit of pain later that day. It feels like I’ve taken a…
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Family Drama
There’s been a lot going on for awhile with the ex’s parents and their youngest child, who turned 40 this year. This child was content to be kind when she needed her mother to watch her children during the day. This child has always been blunt and rude and sometimes made trouble in public for…
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Top Surgery Complete!
I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA for the past couple of weeks. I had a lot to do to prep for top surgery last Tuesday and I was on pain meds up until yesterday afternoon. I had my one week post-op appointment today and everything went well. Almost everything but I will get into…
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Troy’s Letter
Last week I got a call from the victim advocate down in FL who has been assigned my cases. Her job is to contact me on behalf of the prosecutor and set me up with any services I may need to recover from this break-in. She called to ask how I felt about reducing one…
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Make it make sense
With my upcoming surgery, I find myself in my head a lot lately when I’m alone. Not my old self-doubt thoughts like “Is this what I really want? Is this really, 100% who I am?” Instead it’s been going like this-“What will it feel like to run without that extra weight I’ve had all this…
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Odds and Ends
It’s been a nutty couple of weeks but it seems to be settling down now. Boy #3 is done with cross country, Girl is done with soccer and just has lacrosse now, and Boy #2 got his first choice college visit out of the way. Boy #1 seems to be struggling a bit at college,…
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Struggling
There’s a lot going on around me and there’s even more going on in my head. If I’m being honest, I’d have to say that I’m not exactly ok. I’m not really depressed or down. I am just not really into anything right now. I’m going through the motions of life mostly. I feel numb…