Category: Mental Health
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I remember
After talking to my wife extensively this week, I have decided that my brain is still turning to certain pathways in my brain that are well worn, but not effective. Life was different when I was just surviving and I had to do what I needed to survive. But I don’t need those coping mechanisms […]
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Disappointment
Definition – sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. I have never, in my entire life, been so happy to be disappointed. I had the phone call I posted about earlier. It was going well until he dropped the bomb that to use the benefit I am approved for, I […]
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No Apologies
So two days ago, I was a little ahead. I actually had my therapy and med appointments today. My therapy appointment today was great. I was able to go a little deeper with her today and let her into a bit more of me. She listened and her facial expressions were very validating. The most […]
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Why Me?
So often when I think about the question “Why me”, I think about it in a very negative way. Like someone upset with what’s been done to them but some psychopath or why they have to deal with an illness or condition that sucks. For a long time I have been trying to reframe the […]
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Tomorrow feels scary
I have two appointments tomorrow. One is with my psychiatric nurse practitioner who prescribes my meds. And within these last three months, my meds aren’t working as well as they used to. My attention span hasn’t been what it was on adderall previously. I haven’t had an increase in forever and the next increase puts […]
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Could my past be true?
One of my biggest struggles has been that I don’t believe that I have suffered as much as I have. It’s like I have to validate myself to myself. I often think I am exaggerating what I have been through, or I don’t remember something as accurately. Maybe my babysitter didn’t hit us as much […]
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Cults
We love documentaries about cults. At this point we have watched more than I can even remember. Scientology, FDLS, Heaven’s Gate, Jonestown, Branch Davidians, NXIVM, Doc Antle, Children of God, Rajneeshpuram, we have seen it all. I think what fascinates me the most is how the leaders (who seem more like ordinary idiots than idols) […]
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2 Hours
I just talked to my oldest for two hours. It was awesome. He’s such a good kid. We hadn’t talked in awhile and it’s so interesting to see how much he changes between conversations. He has done so much growing since high school graduation last year. He has walked a hard road. He had gotten […]
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Suicide
(Please be aware that I talk very openly and candidly about my own experiences with suicide. If this is not something easy for you, please don’t continue reading or read with caution. This is not meant to hurt or trigger anyone else.) I understand that suicide is something that is very difficult to talk about […]
Zander's Inside Voice 