Category: Hot Trigger
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My Misery
I can’t go too deep into myself very often because it hurts too much down there. It’s where the deepest traumas live, where the pain goes when I have to push it away for just a bit because I can’t cope with it. It’s where the question of “Why did I have to be born […]
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Too Much
It’s all too much today. I feel so overwhelmed with everything. There were 5 conditions that the VA deferred and they don’t really matter anymore because I already hit 100% with the conditions they rated earlier. Now one of the companies they use for appointments is calling me and I cannot answer my phone right […]
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We’re all in this together, part II
A long time ago, and sometimes in my lifetime, there were very rigid sets of expectations for how men and women must behave. It applied to what types of clothing were acceptable in public, occupations (except in war time because there’s no rules during war time apparently), who did what with their children, hobbies, etc. […]
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We are all in this together
I am naturally a very curious person. I like to know why and how things happen. I really love to learn and figure out new things. One of these things I really wanted to understand was the TERF (Trans- Exclusionary Radical Feminist) mindset. Being AFAB at birth but always wanting to be male, it never […]
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Today’s Gift
Randomly my oldest called me mid-morning. I have been meaning to call him too, so I was happy to see his name on my phone. Plus, it’s easier when he calls during the day instead of dinner time, which seems like his standard time to call. Sometimes night time phone calls end up cutting into […]
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But I’m not gay
One of the hardest parts of all my soul searching that has been hard for me is reconciling sexuality and gender. In college, everyone assumed that I was a lesbian. I felt an aversion to the word lesbian that was inexplicable and made me stay away from any club or organization that had to do […]
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Sick
I am sick. My wife has been sick all week and I’ve been less present with blogging than usual. I’m sure it’s just a cold or some weird little virus that’s not Covid. I am vaccinated and boosted last fall and now this fall. I’m not interested in debating the pros and cons of Covid […]
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I Hate the VA
On December 22 last year I submitted my 24 item disability claim to the Veterans Administration. I had one year after retirement to get it in and still get back pay all the way to the day after my retirement was effective. It took me almost that whole year because I needed to relive all […]
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The Bags I Carry
We are all carrying way too many bags of crap around in our hearts and souls. This is an analogy that I always liked because I felt so heavy for so long because I was carrying the weight of the world in my bags. I have always been an intense thinker and sometimes anxiety-ridden worrier […]
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The Off Button
I am crazy empathetic and mostly I love it. Sometimes I hate it. Today I hate it. I am very close to my ex’s family. The parents, siblings, siblings’ spouses, and the nieces/nephew are mostly cool people. We all made a choice to stay family. Sure, the kids are their blood family, but the kids […]
Zander's Inside Voice 