Tag: translife
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It came today
Since I became an adult, I have had the original copy of my birth certificate that my parents received after I was born. The copy they used to register me for school, for extracurricular activities, again for middle school when we moved, and then in high school when we moved again. I used it to…
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Anxiety, Dread, and…a car in the driveway?
today sucks. There, I said it. Today simply sucks. In December of 2021, I scheduled an appointment for this day. A regular appointment. The one that I hate with every fiber of my being because it’s all about the physical parts of me that I don’t want to acknowledge. The parts that make my life…
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January Updates
I have not been back to posting regularly since the new year started. I have been feeling a block, actually. A dread almost, every time I think about what I want to write next. I have started two drafts and not finished them. When I do open up my computer, I avoid the WordPress tab…
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When the words don’t come to me
I feel a way today. About myself, my past, my future, who I really am. But I can’t put words to it. It feels like there’s this longing in me for something that will never happen. For a life that I’ve already been robbed of. I feel this deep, defining sadness about living a lie…
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Daily Prompt 12/20
Talk about your father or a father figure in your life. My father has been a frequent subject here for most of the time I have been blogging. Our relationship has never been what I wanted and needed but I do believe he does the very best he can do. I know he was under…
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who fits where?
I have never fit neatly into anything in my entire life. I was the girl who acted more like a boy. The boy that wasn’t really a boy. The kid that played with whatever was lying around including sticks, bugs, and toads. I was picked on for being too rough and for being poor. I…
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sitting in my shame
Yesterday I had to do a VA exam for part of the claim that was initially deferred. But because I’ve already got 100%, these exams don’t even matter. I can’t get any more money at this point unless I lose a limb. But I still feel like I should finish all of these open exams…
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My Misery
I can’t go too deep into myself very often because it hurts too much down there. It’s where the deepest traumas live, where the pain goes when I have to push it away for just a bit because I can’t cope with it. It’s where the question of “Why did I have to be born…
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Mitch
Years ago I had season tickets to a college football team in a city nearby to ours. I love football and I decided to get season tickets the year the college brought back their football team after decades of not having one. I grew up with my dad having season tickets to our local college…
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Wisdom
I actually learned this a couple years ago and when I can stick to it, I feel so much happier. Forcing things has always led me to chase things that aren’t meant for me. When I’ve gotten those things, it doesn’t do anything for me. Or I realized that the path I was on was…