I have not kept the tradition of abuse and the silencing/dismissal of children as inhuman and incapable of reasonable thought.
Looking back, I can see that this is the thread of my upbringing that I have needed to pull for years. This is something that has never disappeared and they both continue to treat me as though I don’t matter. I’m not sure about my brother as they’ve gone out of their way to keep us apart and keep us from talking to each other about them. Probably because they haven’t liked when we have in the past. Neither of us will validate the bullshit they put the other one through.
While I do view these 4 as “my kids”, that doesn’t mean that they are stupid, ignorant, or incapable of rational thought. Part of the reason why I was so irrational as a child was because I was treated poorly. I was told who I was and what I was going to do at all times. I was supposed to be happy and joyful and was not allowed to be sullen or angry, even when I had good reason to be. I want these 4 to learn how to be themselves, how to think and act without the fear of punishment for basic kid things, and most of all I want them to feel valued and validated as people. There are just some things that kids need to learn but that doesn’t make them too stupid to think for themselves.
I refuse to continue the tradition of resentment for doing what my parents expect me to do and not what is best for me. They spent years going to family events they didn’t care to attend, complaining the entire way there and home about all of their relatives. I would think to myself “If you hate it so much, why go?” But they just did what they were expected to do. And I don’t. They resent that. Oh well.
I refuse to label my house as an “adult first home”, even though that is part of it here. Home is a safe place where mistakes aren’t advertised to the rest of the world, you can try new things whenever you want, and we take care of each other no matter what. Love is unconditional, unrelated to the behavior being expressed at any given moment. There is no punishment for having a bad day, just for taking it out on someone without finding a productive outlet.
As far as traditions in the sense that I think this prompt is asking, there were none. Everything was always changing because my parents are so unhappy with the shitty life they built, they were constantly searching for something to make them happy. So there are no traditions in that sense. Just some things they sometimes did because that’s what they wanted to do.
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