Zander's Inside Voice

This morning started out with some tough love from me to Boy #1. I found out things I had suspected and was updated on other things that I had no idea about. Only one of these things made me feel a positive emotion.

1. He only finished two of his four college classes.
2. He is not going back to college next semester.
3. He’s decided that the military will take way too long to save him from trouble.
4. He is unwilling to separate himself from his best friend/roommate to find his own path.
5. He will be playing with a band that is already playing gigs and touring for the third weekend in a row. These dudes really dig him, his guitar playing, and his equipment. He digs them as people and although he finds their guitar playing a little “simplistic” compared to his knowledge and abilities, he does like their music.

I like the idea of him being in a band. He just needs to find a day job for awhile to get some damn money. I don’t understand how it always takes him months and months to find a job and why he can’t hold one down. He’s been fired multiple times, he’s quit other jobs for no apparent reason other than he just doesn’t like it. He’s also dealing with a lot of trauma from the past related to his other parent and constantly fighting through depression. He’s needy and exhausting for me because he needs near constant reassurance. My brain can only take so much of him because he never listens to my advice. He has to do everything his own way and it is frustrating. He needs to make a mistake multiple times before he learns from it.

I got really upset with him and very blunt and direct, which upset him. And then we came around and talked through what brings him joy and what he can do to get himself where he wants to be. I guess the ultimate problem is that he’s thinking about long-term and he feels like he can’t accomplish those long-term goals so why bother trying the complete the short-term goals since they won’t amount to anything anyway. I don’t understand this type of thinking. I’m not the most organized person, but I can tolerate a lot in the short term to work towards longer term goals. The way he looks at the world is foreign to me.