Zander's Inside Voice

It’s been a very busy last few days.

On Friday my wife and had plans for antiquing, lunch out, a stop at an Amish bakery, and just a good, relaxing trip. It was a wonderful day. I got a great email from the mom of one of new soccer players, stating that she was excited I would be coaching her son because her neighbor and friend had me as a coach last season and said I was awesome. That never gets old!

On Saturday, the Ex’s mother (who I shall refer to her as Mom #2 from here on out) arrived. She dropped off Dad #2 at the airport so he could fly to FL to help drive the truck here on Sunday. So he, the Ex, and Boy #1 all arrived yesterday evening. We currently have 9 people “living” here, which is a lot for this house. And a lot for my anxiety as well as my wife’s.

We are kindly allowing the Ex to stay here for a few weeks and I’m already regretting saying yes. Pig-Pen has arrived. Empty cans and bottles everywhere, even after being shown where they go. Trash everywhere. Showers appear to be optional. Boy #1 isn’t messy necessarily, but he’s used to not having to worry about making a mess because that’s all they lived in back in FL, in MY house. According to parents #2, the house smells awful and needs a lot of work to be rented. I’m feeling REALLY hostile about that. Don’t destroy my house in FL, and arrive up here to attempt that shit here. We are helping YOU out, be on your best damn behavior.

I’m already tapped out with this behavior. I will wait for parents #2 to leave tomorrow and then I am laying down the law. Boy #2, Boy #3, and Girl have adjusted to this mindset of at least cleaning most of their crap up. They still need occasional reminders, but they don’t leave crap everywhere. I will not live with this BS again. This went on forever before and it made me ragey until I just shut down because I was cleaning up after EVERYONE all the time. Plus working full time. Plus working in the military on active duty. I had no time or energy after years of this. All of the reasons why the ex is an ex are perfectly clear to everyone, even parents #2.

But here’s the part that really makes me see red-for years I was told that I: am not fun, am boring, lack a sense of humor, don’t know how to have a good time, ruin everything, take advantage financially, act like a child, act like a parent, don’t care abut anything, don’t know anything, shouldn’t be listened to or respected by the kids, and was constantly interrupted, laughed at, scared on purpose because it was “funny”, treated like a slave, used, and dismissed.

But who know and can help with everything now? MEEEEEEE

I get all the questions about what to do now, respect, treated like I know what I’m talking about. WTF? For years, you broke me down, treated me as disposable, and like I wasn’t worthy of love or respect. But now, after I found myself and my voice, stood up and walked the fuck away from you, NOW you respect me? Go to hell. I am not your lifeline. Stand up in the shallow end you’ve been swimming in and take care of yourself for once. I’m over here diving into the deep end, living my best life, no longer running to the shallow end to save you from drowning because you won’t put your damn feet down to stand.

Fuck you, Pig-Pen, fuck you.