Zander's Inside Voice

My life feels like a fairytale today. School starts soon in our state and I need to get the children back from my ex this week. We are meeting halfway between our respective cities. My wife and I decided that we wanted to do our own thing a few days before we have to meet him. So I decided to surprise her with a stay at an actual castle. It is EXTRAORDINARY!! When I asked her to marry me, we stayed at a villa. There’s a winery near our house that has amazing restaurants and places to stay. The villa was two stories, with the bedroom on the second floor. I keep one-upping myself.

The castle is amazing, though. I’ll add some pictures. It feels unreal. The truth is that my whole life feels unreal now. Before the pandemic started, I was running on empty. The Air Force had stressed me out, my health was slowly declining, doctors wouldn’t listen to me that I felt like I was dying on the inside, and my will to live was quickly declining. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally found a doctor who would help me. He listened and took me seriously. What was happening was that I had a tubal after my last child was born. The doctor used 4 metal clips to close up my tubes but never told me what he was going to use. I had no idea he put metal in me until 3 years later when they showed up on a chiropractic x-ray. HOLY FUCK. I had known for years before that I was allergic to nickel and these clips were metal and silicone. The company that makes the clips acknowledged that there was nickel in the silicone. My body felt like it was freaking out from the minute I recovered from childbirth and I started having regular panic attacks. It took 7.5 years to find that doctor, but he removed the clips and I got my health back.

Retiring from the Air Force, doing tons of counseling, and learning to love myself as I really am has turned me around mentally as well. Learning who I am, who I can trust, and rebuilding relationships that are important to me has made everything better. I feel like my life is on an upswing these days.

I’m also learning that my future is going to be fun. It will involve helping people improve their own mental health and relationships. I feel steady in my own head for the first time in years. I cannot wait to see how the future goes for me!!