No matter what I do this week, I cannot find my focus AT ALL. Even right now, as I’m writing, I feel so foggy and like I’m not even in my own brain. I have a list of things to do and I can only open it to add more items. But I can’t get focused on actually starting anything, even things I enjoy or know that I need to do.
It’s like my real brain isn’t even turned on. It’s like some automatic brain that everyone has that goes through the motions of living. I feel separated from myself even. I am a damn mess this week, but today in particular. How do I force myself to focus on something, ANYTHING?! I don’t feel like doing anything, except maybe sleeping. Am I just really tired and that’s why I’m so foggy and out of focus? I don’t have days like this very often, but when I do, it’s really, really bad.
These days make me feel like a failure. Why can’t I just make myself be an adult every day? What is going on inside my brain on these days. There are things I need and want to do, but not just for me. I need to make a doctor’s appointment for Kid #2, but I can’t make myself even look up the number to make the call. I feel like everything is a process and not really doable.
I guess I will eat lunch and then see what I can get done today. Maybe a nap is what I need and that will be enough to get me on track. I really, really hope so because there’s so much more I would like to get done today.
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