Girl had a breakdown last night.
We haven’t started school yet and are slowly working back to the normal timing for when school does start in two weeks. We are all staying up too late and it’s wearing us all down.
I was running behind last night and taking out my contacts as the last thing I needed to do. Girl came to me, close to tears, and asked if I could help hang their curtain back up. I told her of course, but I couldn’t understand why he chin was still looking like she was going to cry.
Then she mentioned that she lost a nail for the curtain rod and I turned at looked at her. One big fat tear fell down the right side of her face and she just lost it. I asked her “Did you think you’d be in trouble for losing a nail?” And she nodded and said, “I tried to find it with your big magnet but I couldn’t.”
My heart started breaking. I’m not sure why the curtain came down. Did she get mad and rip it down? She’s been attention starved lately and Boy #1 needed us badly last night. Girl was busy in her room anyway, until she wasn’t. But she never mentioned being upset about not getting enough attention last night. Did she and Boy #3 play around a little much and pull it down? Maybe.
But what mattered to me in that moment was the pain in her eyes. She was so sure she was going to be in trouble. I asked her if she climbed the curtains like a cat would and she kind of laughed and then said no. And I told her that would be the only way she’d be in trouble. I also asked her if the reason she is so helpful is because she is trying to stay out of trouble and she said yes. And while I don’t want to tell her to just do whatever she wants, I also don’t want this extreme behavior where she’s like a servant to everyone else because she’s trying to keep things calm.
It’s not a requirement for our house, but it is for her other parent. That parent has turned her co-dependent and made her focus on everyone else and not herself. I fear she’s building passive aggressive tendencies and a lot of secret resentment that no one knows about. She’s carrying too heavy of a load for a 10 year old. She’s worried so much about everyone else.
She needs therapy badly. The children’s hospital near us actually opened a new behavorial health center right down the street and I think we will be using that place soon. I think these younger two have a lot of healing to do. And sadly they don’t even know where to start.
Leave a Reply