Zander's Inside Voice

I was screwing around on my computer last night for no real reason. Looking up that kid from the daycare, I guess. I realized that I had just given up on my VA claim about a month or so ago and I stopped checking. I went from checking twice a day to checking twice a week to just not even bothering.

The page looked different when I logged in last night. I couldn’t comprehend what I was looking at. But then as my eyes worked their way down the screen, I saw it. I saw conditions I had claimed with percentages next to them. I read them slowly, then I reread them. And read them again. It all hit me at once. It’s 100%. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT DISABLED. I was validated by the VA. All the work I put into this claim, which I did by myself with no help from a Veteran Service Officer, was seen. I cannot believe I didn’t have to fight harder. I have been nervous about this for years, thinking maybe I could reach 100%, but not sure if I could.

I felt like I lost my sanity years ago. So many things I’ve seen that have hurt me. So many times I couldn’t take anymore and I felt like I was losing cognitive function because of PTSD symptoms. So many times military doctors told me that nothing was wrong with my joints and muscles. I was even told I was crazy and nothing was wrong with me at all. But now I have the proof that the VA sees what I have been saying all along. Now I can be compensated for everything I gave to the military. I lost so much along the way with the way my body functions. Mobility and sanity…and so much more.

It still doesn’t feel real. It may never feel real, actually. I’ve been invalidated for most of my life so any time I am actually validated, I get suspicious that it’s a trick or maybe not even real. But this is real. Finally.

Good things are on the horizon. And this is just one more piece of evidence that validates me. I am moving closer to fully believing in myself.