Zander's Inside Voice

Usually I try to come up with some resolutions prior to the new year beginning. This year I decided not to do that after seeing a content creator joke about how we shouldn’t make any resolutions until we get through January of the new year and feel out the vibe before we decide what to work on. I think it was supposed to be funny, but it actually resonated with me. Last year was going to be MY YEAR. It wasn’t. I saved the leopard gecko, I took on new volunteer projects I wasn’t anticipating, lacrosse season lasted way longer than I thought it lasted, I was worn down by the end of February, etc etc etc.

So is this year MY YEAR?

Reasons why it might be:

1. I’m mostly open about who I am in real life now
2. I’ve ditched my bad birth name and got my rocking new name
3. I feel really motivated to just live and not prove anything to anyone
4. Therapy feels like a lot of fine tuning rather than large revelations
5. I am working hard on my relationship with my parents
6. New book ideas are practically falling out of my head lately
7. I feel like it could be my year

Reasons why it might not be:

1. Who knows what new and unusual bullshit this year may hold
2. Current political situation
3. Finances feel goofy even if they actually aren’t
4. Boy #1 is still trying to launch and it’s stressful
5. Kid #2, the college student, knows everything and can be exhausting
6. Boy #3 is a teenager and moody
7. Girl is almost a teenager and can be moody at times
8. I feel like it could not be my year

The one year I was know was MY YEAR was 2018 and it wasn’t until New Year’s Eve that I realized it had been such a great year and I had enjoyed so much success. I actually became very emotional at the thought of the year ending. First runner-up was 2020, when my wife and I got together but the rest of the year was a shit show and very stressful. 2024 was just ok.

Today I was assessing some potential things to work on this year, not necessarily resolutions, but things I know I could do better. The first one I came up with is making myself unreachable certain hours of the day. Like dinner time, when I’m working out, when the kids want to do something, and when I’m out with my wife. In the military we had to be reachable at all times. That sounds ridiculous but all it meant was that you would respond to something within a reasonable amount of time or have a good explanation as to why you didn’t respond. I have found that I still have this mentality and I don’t like it. Before cell phones, people were out of reach for days at a time. We didn’t always have an answering machine either, so missed calls were just…unknown. I want to rid myself of the mentality that I must always be reachable. I think that, more than any resolution about putting my phone down or reducing game/social media time, will help me be more present. If I don’t want to be reachable, I won’t be holding my phone. I’ll simply set it down somewhere and do what I need/want to do.

We have convinced ourselves that we are needed 100% of the time. There can’t be any time for ourselves where we disconnect and live in the moment with the people we love. We must reply to everyone all the time, with no sacred time that the phone is away from us. I know I fear that there might be some emergency or something important that someone needs. How did we function before cell phones? How did we move through life at a much slower pace? Why do we have to do so much now? Why do we need all these coping skills like mindfulness and meditation to recover from our pace of life? I think there’s value in those things in general, but I also know that my early adult years were sort of carefree and I wasn’t worried about responding to anyone immediately when I was out. And I didn’t feel stressed most of the time. I’m not sure if that was simply because I had less responsibility overall, or because I wasn’t yet programmed to be prepared to respond instantly.

I really want to change this mentality and I hope to report back monthly that I am making progress. A good objective way to measure success would be to track my time on my phone. It’s always higher than I wish it was. I would like to reduce it 10% by the end of January, which would mean I reduce it by about an hour since the most recent report I can recall said I was averaging 10 hours on my phone. Maybe it was just that high because it was holiday break time and I didn’t have much to do? Who knows? All I know is that I want to be on my phone way less than I am and I don’t want to feel like I’m owned by people trying to reach me.

So here we go, I am working on reducing my phone usage by one hour by the end of this month!