Zander's Inside Voice

I took a few days off of writing. Things got busy here with needing to head back to Kentucky to pick up the kids, we got in late after that, and today is the first day of regular life in 2023 for us. I spent a lot of that time away thinking deeply about everything in 2022, what has been going on with Damar Hamlin from the Buffalo Bills, and what I want to make happen in 2023. It’s been a full mental load while also getting less sleep than I need and getting the house back in order.

We had decided to spend another night at the amazing Kentucky Castle before we got the kids in Bowling Green. Breaking up the trip makes life so much easier for us. During the summer, it’s a lot easier to flex around days off for the ex and making it more of a vacation. This holiday break time period doesn’t lend enough time for that, so we had to bring them back the same day. These poor kids spent 16 hours in the car. It sucks for them and I feel bad, but it is what it is. We couldn’t spend a night in the hotel.

In a move that surprised no one, the ex was late getting to Bowling Green. By hours. And so we got home super late and it was extra sucky for the kids. We still had a few more presents to open here and no one could settle down to sleep until almost 3 am. It was a very long day for all of us. I feel like I am still catching up on sleep. I did all the driving and I always feel more exhausted the next few days after the drive.

On our way back we drove through Cincinnati at the same time the police were blocking streets to get Damar Hamlin to the hospital. We saw the stadium and it struck me as strange that no one was playing and the screen said Buffalo Bills and nothing else. About 30 minutes later we found out what was going on. It was crazy. It’s still crazy. My heart is breaking for him, his family, his team, and the people who watched this happen right in front of them and on tv. It’s traumatic for everyone. I have been trying to keep myself from being completely absorbed by this. I hope he continues to improve and heal. He seems like such a good person. Life is unfair and not right.

And 2023 in general…I feel a strange hope and happiness about this year. Like good things are going to happen. I love when I feel this kind of hope and anticipation. Something big and good is coming!!