Zander's Inside Voice

I cannot believe this is the last day of 2022. The last almost three years have been crazy for me, and not just because of the pandemic. We’ve all been through some insane times these last three years with that, even when things have gotten better. Remembering those early days of the pandemic when everyone was home and the streets were silent feels like another lifetime ago, an impossible lifetime. Who ever thought we would be trapped like that?

But this year has been fantastic. We have done so much and gone on trips and lived our best lives! Boy #3 won second place in his category for the math olympics, Boy #2 is getting himself in gear for his upcoming college search. He will be a senior next year and wants to apply early decision, so this winter/spring will be our intense search time. Boy #1 should hear about his application by the middle of February. And Girl is doing amazing at school. She used to hate school but now she loves it and jumps out of bed every morning to go.

What I am most proud of is finally getting my VA claim finished and starting this blog. The VA claim was so hard on me mentally. Reliving the PTSD stressors, especially the combat ones, was terrible and it was hard to detail all of that in the document I provided to the VA. The way that I wanted to handle it was do all the work, provide all the dates and names, and make it impossible for the VA to say no. And I did it.

Starting this blog as a place to share my voice has been huge for me. I was so guarded and almost scared to really share myself with most people. I’ve been knocked down so much that retreating from people became my norm. I know that people always thought I was stuck up or had no personality. I was too scared to let anyone in because I didn’t want them to see how chaotic I am from ADHD. And while it’s always been obvious that I was one of the guys, I was hiding from myself and could not let anyone in close enough to see what I am on the inside. I was afraid to let people see the real me. But I am getting better about that. I am learning to love sharing myself with people. What’s helping with blogging is that all of you are strangers to me and you are so supportive and kind. I am hopeful that this year, I will be able to share with people in my real life. Although that will require me to share some of these details first. I don’t want anyone close to me to find out important things about who I am from my blog.

I love new years and I am excited to see what 2023 holds for me and my family. I haven’t made any resolutions (or goals as I have always called them) in years, but maybe I will this year because it feels right. I want to work on a few things and get myself together even more than I have these last two years.

2022, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being awesome. Even though we have had many colds and Covid in May, there were so many amazing things that happened this year for all of us. Even years are so rarely good for me for some reason and odd years are incredible, so I am hopeful that this new year will be awesome and I can handle the challenges presented to me!

I hope all of you have a great day and a great 2023. I wish you all peace and balance and I will see you again next year!