Me.
I am bothered by me.
I have found that the biggest obstacle to success and happiness is actually myself. I have done rounds as a very negative person, an untrusting person, and a vengeful person. I have also been happy and successful when I was doing specific things to be happy and successful.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that I can very easily absorb the moods of those around me. When I surround myself with negativity, that is who I will be. And so I needed to release those people from inner circle because I was only hurting myself by maintaining friendships with negative people.
When I’ve been untrusting, I find myself very lonely and loneliness needs to self-destructiveness for me. It’s not a good place for me to be. To combat phases of life where I was untrusting, I would find that there was someone I could trust and that would pull me out of a very bad place. But most of my distrust was caused by me when I was unwilling to be vulnerable and let people in.
Vengeance doesn’t look good on anyone and I truly regret my time in these phases. Breathe and release, breathe and RELEASE. I let go of so much from my days in the military. I was wronged in so many ways that hurt beyond belief, but two and a half years later, I am letting go of all of that because it doesn’t even matter.
What I need to do to not bother myself is to try and recognize that I am worthy, I am worthwhile and someone who can be kind and supportive. I am not a failure because I didn’t achieve my goal rank or because I sometimes cannot keep myself together. I deal with a lot of health issues and problems, but I am defined by those. I am not defined by my past. I stay positive but realistic on a daily basis. I don’t shame myself into believing everything is great, but I let the feelings come and go and then move forward at a pace that is comfortable to me.
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