So I’ve taken this test like 100 times and every single time I get a different personality type that doesn’t actually fit very well. A friend shared results on social media and I took the test a few days ago and got yet another unfitting result. Then my wife said she took it and so I decided to take it one more time and see what happens. Except I would do it slowly and very honestly, even with that puts me in the neutral position, which is where I often find myself on so many things. It’s not that I’m neutral like I can’t form an opinion; it’s that I just don’t care. My mind is so busy 99.9% of the time that any things I can just drop from my mind, I will drop. So if I don’t care about a thing, I REALLY don’t care about a thing.
So this painfully honest test-taking resulted in me getting the personality of INTP, the logician. Huh, that sounds interesting. And not one of the types I’ve been assigned before. So I read up on it…
“These flexible thinkers enjoy taking an unconventional approach to many aspects of life. They often seek out unlikely paths, mixing willingness to experiment with personal creativity.”
Well, I like the sound of that!
Logicians lose themselves in thought…check
Hardly ever stop thinking…check
Conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads…um, check
Love to analyze patterns…so??? and check…
Logicians could spend all day musing about ideas and possibilities – and they often do. That said, the practical, everyday work of turning those ideas into reality doesn’t always hold their interest…ok, now I feel attacked. I can work. I do work. I mean, I CAN work. Ok, yeah, it’s 100% me in this description. Tons of ideas, sometimes can’t be bothered to do the work.
But the description talks about wanting to understand human nature and that is me. I need to understand the how and why of every single person out there. It’s so fascinating to me, from why people like what they like to why does everyone feel like they have to follow trends or crowds.
So the basics about INTPs are deep thinkers, very blunt, very curious, sometimes seem emotionally disconnected, sometimes not understand rules, traditions, and customs, or maybe feel like all of that is a waste of time.
But yeah, that’s me. That’s why figuring out problems in my military job was easy for me but the customs and traditions in the Air Force seemed dull and uninteresting. It’s why I can work with any other generation around me and not be bothered by their different way of thinking. It’s also why I feel like I don’t fit in sometimes but once I let someone get to know me, I feel all lit up inside and I can be myself.
I am finding myself really tired of pretending to be someone else. Or hiding parts of my quirkiness because I don’t want people to dislike me. But every day that passes, I find myself caring a little less about a lot of people I considered friends at earlier points in my life. I have dropped people on social media that I’ve known for 20 years or more because they just sound so ignorant about life in general. Or all they do is complain. I stop and notice things about other friends, like which politicians they follow and what kinds of things they share. And if the unacceptable outweighs the acceptable, they’re done. I can’t keep living my life hidden away and feeling invisible. I don’t wish to be an outspoken activist, but I want to live my own life, my real life. I want to be the person on the inside all the time, not just secretly in my house.
Being invisible sucks. Being told repeatedly by unknowing people that I am not real is making me angry. Being told that “all this gender bullshit” didn’t exist when we were kids is making me want to punch people. It did exist, you jerk, no one was talking about it because it wasn’t safe. I really don’t want to live my life out loud, I just want to live MY life.
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