Zander's Inside Voice

That whole thing with my cousin’s wedding got into my mind because of something else going on presently.

I am still close with my ex’s family. They are still my family and we have all made an effort to stay in touch and celebrate holidays and big family events. Although I wasn’t sure that even his extended family would feel that way, including cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. But I was hopeful since I have more in common with the family than he does. Plus the kids are with me. He’s never been big about making sure they see the kids.

In August we went to a large family gathering. Lots of these extended family members were there. And no one really seemed to care either way. It felt awesome to actually see in person that things were still fine and we were considered family still.

One of the cousins who wasn’t there is getting married next month. This wedding has been in the works for the past three years. Although I haven’t seen this cousin in years, I always thought we were cool. I found at back at this party in August when the wedding was and that I wasn’t invited. Neither was the ex, who wasn’t surprised.

I wasn’t hurt or mad, just kind of sad. It would have been fun to go to the wedding. The cousin is an awesome person. I met her wife to be once and she is also awesome. But I know family stuff is tricky and wedding planning is tough. I know that it’s a big numbers game and sometimes cuts need to be made. The crazy conservative cousin who has been a jerk that lives a day away probably doesn’t rate high enough for an invitation. And that makes the ex even less likely to get an invite. Especially if there’s numbers to cut and you don’t know the entire situation. If you don’t want to invite crazy cousin, inviting the ex makes no sense either. I get all of that and I completely understand. That’s not even the drama part.

The drama is the ex’s sister, who is my good friend. I told her that I was sad about the wedding. She was shocked I wasn’t invited, but said she was sorry I was sad. She has now proceeded to bring up either this wedding or the shower three times AFTER I told her that the whole thing made me sad. WTF? Why?

My theory is that it makes her feel special that she was invited and I wasn’t. Or she’s just completely clueless and doesn’t even put thought into how her actions hurt people. Either option is possible. Just stop bringing it up. I don’t expect the cousins who are siblings with the one getting married to not post shower pictures and eventually wedding pictures on Facebook because I am sad. But damn, the one who I felt like I could tell anything to has now made me question why the heck I ever tell her anything. It feels like she’s using this against me for some reason.

The more that I heal, the more I am figuring out who is and is not there for me. I am no longer accepting subpar treatment from anyone, even people who I thought were always there for me. It’s very eye opening how much bullshit I have tolerated in the past. I always wondered why it seemed like I was always feeling sad and alone. And why did bad things keep happening to me? The answer is becoming more clear. I was keeping people close who were unwilling to actually be there for me, although I was always there for them.