Zander's Inside Voice

Decorations in the house have been swapped to fall/Halloween. As a kid I loved Halloween. I dressed up as a ghost, an Army man, a pirate, Darth Vader (multiple years), a vampire (also multiple years), and other things with those scary plastic masks that had really small eye holes. I was never a princess, fairy, or anything girly. I’m pretty sure Army man was my favorite at the time because my dad let me wear old Army gear and it was warm on that cool October night. It was a jumpsuit of some sort and I got to carry an ammo bag and had camo makeup on. It was really cool. I hid in bushes and around trees all night.

I loved Halloween when the older two boys were little. The oldest was dressed like a frog for his first Halloween. Then I dressed the next boy in the frog suit for his first Halloween. The second was also a dragon at some point in the same type of costume as the frog suit. It was fun those first few years.

Somewhere between kid 1 and kid 4, I started hating Halloween. It seemed like a ton of work. 4 costumes, 4 bags, 4 large piles of candy, 4 everything. The last year I remember liking it even a little was the year we did a TMNT theme. My daughter was too young to complain about being dressed as Donatello. The oldest opted out of our TMNT theme and was out trick or treating with his friends anyway. It was kind of sad, actually. Three little mutant turtles, obviously missing their brother mutant turtle.

Those last few years I gave up decorating. I gave up trying to be creative with costumes. I gave up shopping early for costumes. I just forked over however much the costumes were and dragged myself over to my parents’ house with the younger three kids, walked around bored while they went up to the houses, and then schlepped them and their bags of candy home in the dark. I then threw out the candy no one wanted and faithfully stuck to my “no more than two pieces a night” rule.

Halloween 2019 was ok. I was depressed and not really caring about life. It was our second year at the new base without my parents and I was not in a good place personally or professionally. The younger three all wanted to be inflatable dinosaurs so I bought the costumes. The second one didn’t want to trick or treat, but did want to hand out the candy. He jumped around the front yard and danced in his dinosaur costume. He had so much fun handing out the candy. The younger two were out with the ex, trick or treating and having a blast. I was grateful I didn’t have to take them out because I did not feel like it at all.

Then, as with everything starting in 2020, Halloween was cancelled. And last year I didn’t feel comfortable with the kids trick or treating. They want to go again this year. I feel ok about it covid-wise, and only mildly annoyed by it since I enjoyed a two year break. We are close to the end of this phase of life. Trick or treating will last maybe 2-3 more years for the youngest. So part of me says I should just suck it up and go. The other part says “Not this shit again…” But I’m pretty sure I will just go and deal with it as best I can. It can’t be that bad, right?