Zander's Inside Voice

I just talked to my oldest for two hours. It was awesome. He’s such a good kid. We hadn’t talked in awhile and it’s so interesting to see how much he changes between conversations. He has done so much growing since high school graduation last year. He has walked a hard road. He had gotten so much together in high school. He moved to a new high school his sophomore year. I had moved with the other kids to a new base and my parents kept him for the first semester so he could have his marching band season at his old school. Once he got settled in, he was doing great. He made a semi-smooth transition to a new school in the middle of the year. And his junior year was going really well until Covid hit.

He went into a deep depression and he gave up all the things he loved. He learns languages quickly and had been taking Chinese. He stopped trying. He loved band and he played multiple instruments. He stopped playing half of them after Covid hit, and then all but guitar after graduation. It was like part of him just died with the virus. He needs constant social contact and he lost that for months. One of the kids loves being at home and loved those early quarantine days. He didn’t leave the house for weeks, even when the rest of us just went for a drive. He didn’t care to go for walks most nights, but he did come out eventually. But the oldest was a wreck. We were back to panic attacks and bouts of tears.

His senior year was anything but normal. He lost all of the big events people usually get in their senior year. He had a good group of friends, but that was about it. I was so worried about him. I also left during his senior year. I had to get out so I could heal. I was in a bad place. The only way to heal was the get out and take the time I needed to work through everything. He and I talked about it for a long time and he understood what I needed to heal.

But he and I are both in a much better place. Listening him talk about his hobbies, his friends, his plans for the future, and his job was so nice. He’s come so far from what he was as a little kid and the sad teenager who didn’t want to live. He feel upbeat and hopeful. He’s been about to mend bridges with his father. He is ready to start college next fall and can see his future clearly. I am so impressed with him. I can’t wait to see how his plans go for him in the future. He really sounds like he’s got it all together!