Zander's Inside Voice

Who knows where that’s from? Go ahead and guess, I’ll wait!

I’m pretty sure it’s unlikely that most people actually know those lyrics because they’re from a song off a solo album for a singer that was better received with his group than as a soloist, even though his voice is legendary.

That particular singer is one of my most favorite people in the world because his talent was out of this world. He lived larger than life itself and never apologized for who he was. Whether he was performing, clubbing, or even just existing, he was unapologetic. I admire that the most. I want to be like that.

He also never wanted to be the poster child for AIDS, which is why he only admitted publicly that he did have AIDS the day before he died. He felt that part of him was unnecessary to reveal and he didn’t want to just be a symbol of a virus that had such a stigma. I definitely understand that. I don’t want to be a poster child of any of the many traumas or attributes I have. Traumas are something that happened to me; they do not and will never define me. And each individual attribute is just a part of me and does not individually tell anyone exactly who I am. In fact, some attributes contradict others. That’s me-a walking paradox-and believe me, I confuse myself most of the time. So I understand that I’m a lot to take in.

Yes, I’m talking about Freddie Mercury. The legend. If I could be Freddie, I would. Just to walk a day in the shoes of so much talent. I don’t even want to be famous. I just want to live my best life. But for Freddie, performing was his best life. Just watch him at Live Aid and you can see that he lives to perform. Their last album is great. His voice is normal Freddie, but he was really sick. Brian May wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle the vocals in the songs, but Freddie said “I’ll fucking do it, darling,” when May was concerned about “The Show Must Go On.” (Rolling Stone, 3 December 2010). If you’ve ever heard the song, you’ll know he definitely did it.

I really admire the way Queen and Jim Beach (their manager) handles his legacy. They are very protective of him and made sure that when Bohemian Rhapsody was made, the movie didn’t trash him at all. They wanted to show some of his demons, but not tell his secrets or make him look bad. Freddie was betrayed by Paul (fucking) Prenter back in the day and he didn’t trust easily. I totally understand that. When someone you once trusted violates your privacy to the media, it makes you look at people critically. We all have demons and vices. Normal people don’t have to worry about everyone finding out like celebrities do. In a way, we live a much more free life as ordinary people who aren’t chased by the paparazzi.

I almost can’t get enough of Freddie Mercury. I even have a Freddie tattoo with him wearing the yellow jacket at Wembley. But mostly I just want to live unapologetically like he did.