Today is Boy #3’s 13th birthday. Since this is the first birthday since the divorce that the ex is in town, there were some new considerations to think about. Boy #3 wanted to invite the ex over for dinner and cake but that wasn’t really what we wanted to do. Since the divorce, the ex claims that they will help pay for whatever gift we’re getting and then never gives any actual money towards it. Since there’s no longer any distance, I decided that no invitation would be extended and the ex could just do whatever with Boy #3. The younger two aren’t usually with us on weekends anyway, so there should not have been any issue with this. Except there was.
The ex didn’t even ask about birthday plans until Friday. Here’s my shocked face:
Although the lack of planning was no surprise, it clearly indicated to me that this lazy person hasn’t grown any when it comes to putting in any level of emotional labor for their children. I used to try to facilitate things like birthdays and Christmas by asking ahead and planning timing for pickups and all that. No more. If someone wants to see their children, they should be asking for the information. The ex never asks. The ex makes no plans and chooses to wait until the last possible minute. My wife and I already pay for everything like school pictures, sports fees, school clothes and supplies, Halloween costumes, the majority of the food the kids eat, and all those other little things. We take them to fun and exciting places and we are the ones doing the vacations. Not the ex. Never the ex, actually.
I don’t disagree that taking someone shopping is acceptable for birthday gifts, but why not ask the kids a few weeks in advance? Why not try to plan something more than a day in advance? I am getting really tired of being the “every day” parent and then having to spend a day or two after fun weekend time getting them back in order. We have rules here and it’s generally a free for all when they go with the ex. Our rules are definitely not ridiculous and we work hard to keep things in line here. Parenting sucks and enforcing reasonable rules sucks. But you won’t teach them anything letting them be slobs, not making them pick up after themselves, no making them shower if they’re dirty, and not putting them to bed at a reasonable time. I am not going to try to dictate what goes on at anyone else’s house, but this is getting harder to tolerate. I may have to say something soon, if there aren’t changes. And I am definitely not taking the lead and planning everything so that the lazy ex can just tag along, not pay, and take credit for yet another gift with no money contribution.
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