Zander's Inside Voice

Today I have a phone call later with an admissions person from a program I’m considering applying to soon. I was approved for a program with the VA that allows me to participate in a program that the VA will pay for and I will also get a housing stipend. It’s called VRRAP and that stands for Veteran Rapid Retraining Assistance Program. It was introduced as part of Covid recovery and it wasn’t well publicized. Most of the money hasn’t been spent and there’s been some fraud with some of the schools that the VA initially allowed into the program. I was approved last May, but didn’t really find a program I was interested in until recently. I applied thinking I would do graphic design but as time went on, I realized I was not interested in that at all. It would be a good skill to have, but not even something I think I would enjoy. So I gave up on doing the program at all. You have to start by December and I didn’t think I would find anything.

I got an email a few weeks ago that reminded me that I was approved to use this program and should do so before December. I get one of these emails every month. Usually I ignore it, but for some reason I opened it this month. The email said that if you were struggling to find a program, remember you can also use these benefits at the VET TECH schools. I checked that out and found a program I was definitely interested in!! I think I have mentioned this before, but I am very good at internet researching and finding information on things and people. I am still considering making my own business around that. This program is cyber security related, so I think that’s another thing I could offer as part of my business. I have questions for this admission person like can I really start this program with no previous knowledge? Does VRRAP really cover all of the expenses? What’s the format for online classes? What is the volume of work outside of the class?

I don’t feel intimidated trying something new. I don’t really have a comfort zone when it comes to new things. I am all about trying new things and maybe should think more before I jump into things. I am slightly better than I used to be about this, but I still find myself figuring things out as I go. Perhaps I could’ve been more prepared if I had taken some time to ask questions. So this call is me trying to take that time. I don’t want to end up needing to pay a bunch of money that I wasn’t planning to pay and if I am expected to come into the program with some level of knowledge, I want to either prepare or not apply, depending on how much prior knowledge is needed. But I know I can do this. It feels right for what I want to do. I think.

Part of me has learned that my interests are very flighty and I can just move on to something new within a few weeks, months, or within a year. Generally if something stays with me for a year, it’ll be lasting. Learning myself makes me cautious when I decide I want to do something new that’s biggish, like this program. Not cautious enough to put on the brakes, but cautious enough to worry that I will start it, probably finish because I have to with this program, but never do anything with it, although finding a job or paid internship is part of the program. I don’t really want to work more than part time though. Two weeks ago and today I really want to do this program. But what about 6 months from now when it’s almost over? Or two years from now? Will I regret the effort I put into it and the commitment I made? I don’t want to paralyze myself into doing nothing with this somewhat recently learned self-doubt. I don’t want to miss an opportunity to do something interesting that sounds awesome because sometimes I don’t stick with things.

I guess I just need to ask my questions on the phone call today and sit with myself quietly on this. The right answer is inside me.