Category: Life
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Autonomy
Yesterday I went to get my hair cut. I normally go every two weeks because it grows so fast but I haven’t been in 5 weeks. I was letting it get shaggy for a 70s party I went to on Thursday at my wife’s work. Although my hair wasn’t exactly 70s, it was surprisingly long…
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No more pieces to give
I have officially given away all of my pieces today. Everyone needed something from me and there’s nothing more to give. I feel exhausted and spent. I know some of it is hormonal and some of it comes from being out at an event last night. My oldest tried to call me last night to…
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The Bus Stop
Last year, Boy #3 (who we affectionately refer to as “Grandpa” even though he’s only 11) was the only kid in this neighborhood at his school. The bus had to come all the way to our neighborhood, which is at the edge of the district for just him. I was excited for this year because…
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Generational Trauma
My dad and I are working on this relationship improving course from his church group. It’s been a challenge in a lot of ways and while we have had some improvements in our communication with each other, there are still things he just doesn’t want to hear. Today I brought up some of those things…
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Big Deal
I am still learning this. My internal monologue always tells me I am making excuses or making a bigger deal out of something. I have to work at turning off that voice or it will tear me to shreds every day. I am susceptible to gas lighting because of this internal voice. I already struggle…
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Blooming is blooming
This morning I woke up early and in a great mood, which says a lot since I was cranky last night. I had soccer practice with my younger team and they frustrated me to the point where I had to remind them that being at practice is a privilege. One that players who choose to…
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Deep thoughts from the dark
I have been thinking recently about how I survived being suicidal for so long. Like I didn’t get close to attempting it after that first year. That first year I made plans more than once, wrote goodbye letters, and was very active in the process of choosing the right date and time. After that year,…
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One Trick Pony
I have thought a lot about this blog and what I want to do with it and not do with it. I have read many other blogs and articles about how to write a successful blog. On one hand there seems to be some “conventional” wisdom about blogging and on the other, a “fuck it,…
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Dear High School Friend,
A little over two years ago, we became friends again. Way back at the end of our teens, we stopped talking. After dating for two years and me repeatedly hurting you, I hurt you for the last time. But only because I had to let you go. You represented a past that made no sense…
Zander's Inside Voice 